my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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