Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize