Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize