how can u be prego again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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