Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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