Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
