Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
