"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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