just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
