The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
