No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
