Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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