Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
