he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize