ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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