do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
These tits shall not be calmed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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