woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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