I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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