atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
