from now on my penis is your penis
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
