I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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