Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize