I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
