Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
