Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
