I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
