whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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