The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize