i will never coherently bang her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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