I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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