Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
