Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
