He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
