Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
