ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
