i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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