After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
