is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
