duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
