The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize