my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
