Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
