I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
