how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
