I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
