The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
