my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
