Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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