In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have feelings that need drinking.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
