I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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