you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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