I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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