Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
