I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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