i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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