My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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