Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize