I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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