i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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