Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
