A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
