i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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