Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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