He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
