a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
