Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize