He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
