bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
