I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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