I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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