All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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