I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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