he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
