I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
