The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
