yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
