your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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