dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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