I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
