sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
