New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
