Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
