So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
