in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
