I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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