Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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