Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
