Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
