dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize