Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
