his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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