did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
