My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
