So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize