Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
