and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
