Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
