omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
