All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
