i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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