from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
