You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
