I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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