When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize