:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
